Day 8: Baby Envy

“Once your baby arrives, the world is no more the same than you are. Because from our very bodies we add to the collective human destiny. Our deepest urge is always toward life, to wholeness and well being.”
-Claire Fontaine

My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend (wow, that was sort of complicated) is having a baby. Since day one, I have had some sort of "Baby Envy" towards both of them. Some how she seemed to convince him (although, the only had been together for 6 months when they were trying) to have another baby, but I do think that she was getting the itch more than him. So hey, lets have baby when we just started dating and I have a kid from another father...sometimes I wonder where common sense is in situations like this. Then again common sense is not so common...

Anyways, now that my bitter self is showing its lovely face, I am jealous. I wish I could convince my boyfriend to want to create a little life again but his interest is growing now that our daughter is getting older, and easier. Then again, this will be his brothers first child and hes only seen the cute side of what my daughter has to offer...he hasn't seen the colic, or the poop, or the spit up.

Again, my bitter baby craving side is showing again...

Back to my point, I have had the baby fever for a few months now. I didn't think I would be one of those people to suffer from it but I am...and it sucks. I miss all those tiny clothes and that "new baby" smell. Thinking about those sleepless nights don't seem so bad anymore. I can't have that joy yet though, and I am jealous of that. At this time in my life, we cannot bring another baby into our lives. We are fixing up a house, which left us with no savings (again) but I am glad we are mortgage free and my bills will be about $500 cheaper every month without rent and some of the efficient things we have now, and I am grateful for that.

I wonder if bringing another baby into this world will put to much stress on our relationship, or if it will wreck our little family unit. The three of us have learned to live life the way it is now and are adjusting to that quite nicely. Sometimes I wonder if bringing another little peanut home will disrupt what I have worked hard for. I love babies, and I love having them around but they are alot of work and they cause lots of changes. This makes me wonder if just 1 is enough for us?

Its a difficult thing to decide, whether to stop at 1 or to try for another. Whether its your first child, or tenth child, adding another member to the family is a big step to take in any ones life. Now I have to decide if I should go for what I want and have another baby, or enjoy what I have in front of me for the sake of having things be easy. Its a tough choice to make, but I have plenty of time to worry about that tomorrow.


What about you? Do you want another baby? What is your deciding factor on that choice?