Day 2: Guilt

"But from the very start, there is that small streak of steel within each child. That thing that says "I am," and forms the core of personality."

- Diana Gabaldon

Her first picture I took.

The number one thing I deal with every day is guilt. I think every mother deals with this, especially the ones who work. I myself am in the work force 45 hours a week, not including driving 45 minutes each way from home to work and back. Sometimes I wonder what I am missing out on. What milestones I didn't see, what words I didn't get to hear, and how many steps she took that I didn't witness.

6 Weeks

Her father stays home for the time being. I am the bread winner of this family. It wasn't planned this way. Originally, he had a great job as a commercial plumber. I was just a waitress. I planned on staying home during the day and working a couple of shifts a week to help pay the bills. When my daughter was born, my boyfriend was laid off the next day. It was the first day he had ever called out, and was the same day he lost his job. At this point, I hadn't worked in 2 months from complications in my pregnancy, so our savings was limited. Collecting unemployment took a few weeks to get the process completed. And all I had were 8 TDI checks for $100 per check. The only silver lining in this grey cloud was the fact that we lived with my parents. At least I had a secure roof over our heads.



4 Weeks Old



The job I have now just happened to fall in my lap. I believe I had an angel watching over me, because with this job I have been able to get an apartment, pay our bills and take care of two adults and a baby with. Even with a job like this which I know I should be VERY grateful for in this economy, I still feel like I am missing out on her whole life.

I feel like just yesterday, she was my little peanut at 6lbs 11oz and 21 inches long. Now she is 28lbs and 31 inches tall. I see a mini adult blossoming in front of my very eyes, and I don't want her baby years to fly by me. Next I know, she will be going to her senior prom, then getting married and having babies of her own. I don't want to regret working every day. At the same time though, I know I am setting a good example for her. I am showing her that I will do whatever it takes for our family and that I do it all for her. And she won't resent me for that, because she will appreciate one day everything I did for her, and will do the same for her own children too.

How about you? Do you feel guilty about leaving your child at home? Or if your a stay at home parent; do you wish to go back to work?